The real thing

"I'm lucky, I know, I just feel I'm never gonna have it, you know? The whole package. That guy, the couple, the one that will be with me. And I hate it because I really want it, the whole package"

—Lorelai Gilmore

Yo sé para entrar en pánico y ser pesimista me puedo pintar sola... y eso no es nada bueno. Un par de palabras de una persona que me importe y mi ardilla puede enloquecer y torturarme con una noche de insomnio, un ataque de pánico y una bola de recriminaciones tremendas. Desde que estuve con Aru agarré la mala maña de echarme culpas que no me corresponden. Si bien lo tengo claro, ello no quita que sea difícil desarraigar el mal tan bien clavado en mi ser. Vapulearme y tenerme por menos me sale fácil. 

Hablando con Arimasen, que ha llegado a conocerme muy bien en poco tiempo, salió el comentario "¿y qué horribles escenarios has pensado?". Sí, él sabe que esa parte pesimista luego me ataca con facilidad.

Everybody wanna give their selves away

But I'm still afraid

El miedo es pésimo consejero. Ya lo he aprendido a la mala. Crash igual me dijo que tenga cuidado, pero que no sea muy dura conmigo misma. ¿Me saldrá? A ver, Nerea, ¿te sale quererte un poco, tenerte en mejor estima?

I don't want to be a faded memory

I don't want to be the ghost that you cant shake

I want to be the real thing

Es complicado. Sacar tantas malas mañas de una vida no es fácil. La convivencia con otro ser humano no es fácil. "But sometimes it's really worth it" me dijo Arimasen. Claro que cuando te dicen "Si te digo que te calmes, ¿lo harás?" hay un fuerte pleito interno... fantasmas. Esos fantasmas acosan, esos terrores. Me siento cual chiquilla indefensa y me provoca mucho enojo. Rabia, incluso. ¿Es que no has aprendido nada, Nerea, es que acaso no has madurado?

Se dice fácil. Quiero una canción de cuna. Quiero que alguien me abrace y me diga que todo irá bien por una chingada vez.

Not just a woman

She's just a woman
not just a woman
She's terrified and
she's unafraid
She'll change her mind
with the change of the seasons
She's every reason
you'll ever need

She'll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you'll swear
she can read your mind
Sometimes she'll seem as if
she's broken down
Yeah but everything that's perfect
took a little workin out yeah

She's just a woman
not just a woman
She'll break your heart and
she'll make you strong
And she can take you
completely make you
so uncertain but
so better off

She'll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you'll swear
she can read your mind
At times she'll seem as if
she's broken down
Yeah but everything was workin
why'd you have to let her down again
again


She's just a woman
not just a woman
She's terrified and
she's unafraid
She is an icon
she keeps her brights on
She'll break your heart yeah
but she's got her ways

She's just a woman
not just a woman
She's complicated with
an easy smile
She is a genius
but she don't see it
She is a dream in
your waking hour

She'll never say what you
should already know by now
Sometimes you'll swear
she can read your mind
At times she'll seem as if
she's broken down
Yeah but everything that's perfect
gets a little worn, little worn down
little worn down yeah
little worn down
a little worn down

Someday

"Wish" by Christian Schloe

Hace tiempo cambié mi foto de perfil de FB por la imagen con la que inicia este post y le puse al pie de página "A veces imagino a Dios diciéndome Someday, somehow, gonna make it alright, just not right now. I know you're wondering when. You're the only one who knows that" (un fragmento de una canción llamada Someday de Nickleback, que en las peores épocas con Aru escuché unas mil veces, causándome más dolor que otra cosa)

Las cosas han cambiado mucho y ya no me siento desdichada. Y ahora di con una canción de Rob Thomas, igualmente llamada Someday y me causa ilusión. Las interpretaciones dependen de nosotros, del momento que estamos viviendo, eso lo sé. Y aquí la prueba.

Dios siempre nos responde, pero se toma su tiempo. 

You can go

You can start all over again

You can try to find a way to make another day go by

You can hide

Hold all your feelings inside

You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

[Chorus:]

And maybe someday

We'll figure all this out

Try to put an end to all our doubt

Try to find a way to make things better now and

Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud

We'll be better off somehow

Someday

Now wait

And try to find another mistake

If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind

You can run, oh

And when everything is over and done

You can shine a little light on everything around you

Man it's good to be someone

[Chorus]

And I don't want to wait

I just want to know

I just want to hear you tell me so

Give it to me straight

Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday

We'll figure all this out

We'll put an end to all our doubt

Try to find a way to just feel better now and

Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud

We'll be better off somehow

Someday

[x2]

Cause sometimes we don't really notice

Just how good it can get

So maybe we should start all over

Start all over again